Winds of Change

Sometimes I have difficulty shaping my words into blog form. Not because I don’t have enough words. Usually because I have too many words to say about too many subjects and I’m tempted to share them all at one time. Such is the life (and burden) of a communicator.

So I sit here on this beautiful October afternoon attempting for the 4th time to blog about the latest aspects of my life I wanted to share. My second mug of coffee is being consumed with contentment and my kids are quietly sleeping and playing in their rooms.

 Over this past week I have been trying to find a way to share with my readers – that right now, this October day, I am content. I am peaceful. I am happy. Which feels odd to say namely because of the content of my latest posts. I have shared that I am experiencing hardship in my life circumstances. I have shared that I faced and acknowledged that I had given up on working towards healthier my eating & exercising habits. My posts are weaved with threads of feeling at times overwhelmed with parenting these amazing boys God has given me. Yet the truth remains, I am content and happy.

In truth, I have no idea what changed. Perhaps it’s been this change in weather that has ushered in the beginning of a change in season. Perhaps it’s learning to embrace and engage with my feelings, allowing them to be felt and then placed in proper perspective. Perhaps I finally stopped throwing my pity party and decided to love my life no matter what the circumstance. Honestly, I don’t know.

 I do know that the trench doesn't feel quite so deep anymore. Alvaro is walking, and a playing, and more mobile than ever. This allows him to play with his older brother more. This allows me to move around without a stroller and only a lightly packed diaper bag. To a Mom with two little ones, this most certainly feels a bit more like freedom.

 After months of asking for advice, reading books, listening to podcasts, I understand how to engage my strong willed child on a livable, workable, and manageable level. While temper tantrums and demands for things on his terms remain, they are no longer threats to gaining compliance. I have learned how to speak his language. I have learned the power of negotiation in a way that satisfies both of us. I have learned to allow myself and my preconceived notions to change. And to this Mom, this also feels a bit more like freedom.

I have stopped giving up on my loves and passions and learned the value in pursuing the little things that bring me renewed energy and joy. Whether its chips and salsa with a good book on my night off, or whether it’s a 40 minute run when my hubby gets home from work. I am taking time to invest in myself. I am learning that I, too, am worth loving well.

While the weather outside announces the change in season with balmy breezes, I have been reflecting on the change of atmosphere in my own life and heart. Some of the terrain in my life circumstances has changed for the better. Some have not. But the winds of joy and peace are blowing through these days. And I am happy.










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