Managing the Chaos

Chaos. 

I don't know about you but I have this interesting interaction with the chaos in my life. Sometimes I can manage it- and manage it well. I can keep it organized and in its place.

Other times chaos in my life seems to swallow me up and spit me out.

And it all depends on how tired I am. Many times it depends on how well I can take care of myself in the midst of the chaos.

I had one main goal last year - it was self care. Many of us struggle to take care of all the things on our plates, and then self care ends up last on the list. If we even get to it.

As much as I know the lack of self care or the ability to engage with self care can change my life, sometimes I get lost in that very chaos of life. Self care has to be something I fight for.

So here I am again. I got to a good place of self care for a bit. I stopped working outside my home to take care of my boys. I stopped eating emotionally to take care of my heart. I began running to overcome my depression.

But life happened. And my well meaning intentions of self care seemed to shuffle to the background, between dirty diapers and babysitting. All of a sudden, feeling guilty for not being able to do it all, I took on projects I shouldn't have. All of a sudden, I found myself saying yes I'd help, when deep down inside of I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I failed to help myself in the never ending desire to please and help everyone else.

I should know from experience... this doesn't turn out very well. Which is exactly why self care was my goal last year.

Well- its time to revisit that again goal and engage with it again. To say "no" to good people, good things, and good opportunities. To find out where the happy medium lies between managing my chaos and taking time out from it so I can do life well.

I recently attended the prescreening of a movie called Moms Night Out. It's due to release in the theaters on Mother's Day Weekend. (Go see it- it was AWESOME!!)  One of the Moms tells the other "Life isn't about a parking space. It's not about God taking all our problems away and giving us a perfect life. It's about finding meaning and joy and purpose. In this- in the crazy- in the chaos."

So here I am again. Realizing that its time to find that meaning and joy and purpose.


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