Sweet Appreciation

I recently accepted a position to work weekends in a retail company. While I was originally seeking full time work, this seemed to be the best solution for our family.

Initially, the thought of returning to work full time and sending the kids to day care seemed to be the relief and respite I was hoping for. An escape from long and weary monotonous days filled with tantrums and timeouts. As the job hunt progressed from days to weeks and we started considering all different kinds of options, we settled on this one. To my great surprise, I felt relief.

These feelings of relief puzzled me. For weeks and months I bemoaned the exhaustion I felt day after day. Keeping up with two active little boys is nothing to scoff it.  I am a teacher, an entertainer, a nurse, a referee, a chauffeur, a maid, a cook, and more all rolled into one. Every day.  I shift in and out of the roles and wonder endlessly if I am doing it right. I lay awake at night or spend time online looking for ideas to do it better. To help my boys grow with more physical activity and less electronically directed ones. To help their imaginations grow with wonder instead of having others tell them how they are supposed to think. If I reach any measure or feelings of success on any given day, it was after lots of research and hard work. Sometimes I vow never to try those same approaches again when the attempts fail and caused more work than success.

So how could I feel relief that I decided to keep doing this? Part of my brain told me this was insanity. Yet the relief and joy of being allowed to continue to nurture these boys at home was ever present.

This unexpected relief has been a catalyst to open my eyes to a few new things I hadn’t taken notice of in my life. While dishes never cease to be a part of my day, neither does laughter. I realized in the past few days that these boys bring laughter into my life. A silly look, a funny song, a crooked smile, a mischievous attempt; not one day has gone by in the past week that I haven’t taken particular note of the laughter. Laughter at nothing and at anything. This has been a sweet reward I know I will cherish for years to come (and probably recall wistfully when they hit that sullen teenager phase).

Music is another gift in my life. These boys love music. If you have been around Alvaro for any measure of time, you’ve seen him dance. (Which in turn is another cause of laughter). Joel also loves music. He may be too shy to show off his moves for anyone except his Momma, and that only on occasion. But he’ll spend an hour on my Iphone listening to his favorite songs which range from Adele to Veggietales. In fact, from ages 1 to 2, Adele’s album was the ONLY music that soothed him and lulled him to sleep.  I love that while I am home with them, I get to share music. If you know my family, you know music in our blood. Whenever a baby is born, we says things like “this one is a drummer” or “look at those fingers, surely he’ll play the piano or guitar.” Sports references are never called up, only musical ones. I’m a blessed that I get to share music with my boys. (This blog post should remind me to get new strings for my guitar and play for them).

 

Affection is one of my primary love languages. A squeeze on the shoulder, a shake of the hand, a hug, a pat on the back… things like this make me feel loved. So when my three year old came over and voluntarily kissed me several times today, my heart melted. He even gave me several kisses in a row at one point. My grandma would laugh if she was alive. I did that very thing to her many years ago. These displays of affection from my boys are yet another gift I’m given in the midst of long and weary days.

My days aren’t getting shorter. Sometimes I feel like they are getting longer and more tiring. But my eyes have been opened lately to a sweetness that I hadn’t appreciated before. Not until I received this gift of continuing in my current position. Tears, sweat, and all.