The R Word

Before my son was born, which was only less than 10 weeks ago, the R word was a flippant part of my vocabulary. I’d be mindlessly doing some task, then realizing I was doing it incorrectly, I’d offhandedly say, “oh-I’m so retarded” and then correct whatever mistake I made.

I never thought twice about using the R word. It wasn’t directed at anyone. I was speaking only of myself. So I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Then Alvaro was born. And I quickly found out the R word was a big deal in the special needs community. It wasn’t just a faux pas one ought not to say, it was a triggering word that was not to be used under any circumstances due to its ignorant and hurtful nature.

Despite stumbling across this very early on after my son’s birth, I still inwardly wondered why it was so hurtful if it wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. I certainly wasn’t going to assume that label for my son. In my evolving thoughts on this subject, I made a mental effort to eradicate it from my vocabulary anyway. But bad habits sometimes die hard. In the past 2 weeks alone, while at work, as the R word began stumble out of my lips, I stopped myself and used another word mid-sentence. While I didn’t say it, it was still subconsciously part of my vocabulary in a specific context.

Then something happened.

I was on Facebook and a Youtube video came up for discussion on a post. It was a What Would You Do episode featuring a young man with Down Syndrome being berated by customers in a grocery line.

For those unfamiliar with the show, What Would You Do is an American television news magazine and hidden camera show broadcast on ABC. In the series, actors act out scenes of conflict or illegal activity in public settings while hidden cameras videotape the scene, and the focus is on whether or not bystanders intervene, and how. The host appears at the end to interview the bystanders about their reaction.

At the onset of the video, I see that the man with Down Syndrome is a hired actor. He has willingly participated in the experiment. The same is to be said about the other actors, a woman, a couple of teenagers, and a man, who play the grocery line bullies. Because I knew this was a scripted incidence for experimental purposes, I decided to watch it. I was shocked by the intensity of my reaction.

Every time I heard them use the word “retard” or “retarded” I grew angrier and angrier. I wanted to physically hurt them. And every time they said it, which was always in reference to or directed at the young grocery bagger, my heart sunk lower and lower. There I sat in front of my workplace computer, unable to stop the tears from rolling down my face. Realizing that I was heartbroken and would not be able to contain my tears or soon keep from crying out loud, I hurriedly stopped the video, left my desk and rushed to the bathroom to compose myself.

I was able to throw cold water on my face and remove the redness from my eyes. I was not however, easily able to remove the sadness that now that brewed below the surface of my heart. I was angry and I was scared because I knew somewhere out there in this mean world there are people who aren’t pretending to act or think like that. Some people really behave in this appalling manner. There are those out there who do aim to be very clear on communicating what they think, despite how rude, ignorant, and mean-spirited their words are.

Suddenly, in the spans of a few seconds, I wasn’t watching somebody else’s child get picked on. I was watching mine. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t actually Alvaro. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t the actual mother of the grocery bagger. In my heart, where it mattered most, this was my child. And the ignorance and bullying happening was unacceptable.

I did a quick search on www.dictionary.com for a definition of the word retard. The adjective definitions are slang terms and include, “a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way”. The definition of retard as a verb is “to make slow; delay the development or progress of.”

Unfortunately, as part of being born with an extra chromosome, people with Down Syndrome have hypertonia, or decreased muscle tone. This makes it difficult for them to speak as easily and as clearly as you and I. While words come quick and easily out of my mouth, Alvaro will have to learn to enunciate words with the same difficulty I would have if my mouth was filled with marshmallows. This will affect the sound and speed of his speech. This does not however mean that he is “stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.”

So why do I mention this? Because when the R word is being used, the conation in my experience has always been used in a slang context. The R word is meant to imply stupidity, etc. And there are lots of people, who will be labeled “retarded” by others because of a learning disability, mental impairment, or like my Alvaro, because it may take him longer to pronounce a word or two. His muscle tone and ability to speak clearly is not an indication of his cognitive abilities. Many people may ignorantly assume it is. Even if Alvaro were to have delays in his cognitive or intellectual abilities, then I ask, so what? He’s still a strong, valuable, human being who has so much to give to this world. His potential and value cannot be measured by an IQ test.

When I saw on the video how ugly the R word was when used in the slang context to hurt someone, I was shocked. I saw it for the horrid thing that is. I was instantly convinced never to use it in my vocabulary again. It was mean, hurtful, and unnecessary.

On October 5, 2010, U.S. President Barack Obama officially signed bill S. 2781 into federal law. Rosa’s Law removes the terms “mental retardation” and "mentally retarded" from federal health, education and labor policy and replaces them with people first language “individual with an intellectual disability” and “intellectual disability.”

While great strides have been made in changing language on the national level, help is still needed to encouraging local and state governments to make similar changes. As of March 2012, all but seven states in the United States have at least introduced legislation to change the language in their state from ‘mental retardation’ to people first language.

I feel like I have seen for myself why ending the R word is so important. Not with an objective point of view where it doesn’t affect me directly but in a very subjective and personal manner where it matters a lot.

I want Alvaro to grow up in a world where the R word won’t be thrown at him in ignorance. I want him to grow up in a world where he doesn’t have to hear it at all.

Now I’ve joined the movement to end the R word. Will you? I hope so.

 

     

 

 

 

 

YOUTUBE VIDEO:  WHAT WOULD YOU DO EPISODE