Assigned Residence


Some seasons are filled with newness, anticipation and excitement.

Others are experienced in the rough patches. Neither exciting nor happy, these seasons prove to prune and shape our hearts and lives into something stronger and greater.

I seem to have taken up residence in such a season. My address can be found in the phonebook listed between A Rock and A Hard Place. No way past it. You must pass one to find me and I’m stuck in the middle. My only fear in this season is that somehow this would become my permanent address.

Unlike my bouts with depression, this season isn’t determined by hormones, angst, or inner grief. Neither did I land here because I didn’t try hard enough or because I gave up. I’m here because life happens. Circumstances outside of my control happen. And “everyone goes through times like these.”

Jeff Manion calls it The Land Between. It’s a transitional place, rich with opportunities to become angry and bitter. Or fertile land to learn to trust God in a deeper way and be thankful for how far He’s already brought me.

Sometimes I have days where the curtains I hang in this house are stitched with disappointment and discouragement. I drape the windows to prevent light from coming in and just sit in the darkness of my frustration. I wonder if God is jerking me around. I ask questions that have no answers. Then I realize that sitting in this place does me no good. My room just got darker and it hasn’t perpetuated change.  To make matters worse, I’m blocking the brightness and warm of the outside light and preventing it from brightening up my room. If I won’t be moving out of this place anytime soon, I might as well learn to live in it in the best most comfortable and happy way I can.

So I walk up to the windows, rip off the curtains, fold them and put them away. I should throw them away or burn them. But that seems impossible to do. So I place them on the shelf. I let the light flow in. I soak in the sun. My heart begins to lift. Again, my circumstances don’t change, but my heart attitude sure does.

Today is one of those days, where I’m trying to throw open the windows to let the air and sunshine in. But I’m so tired of looking out to see the same barren landscape. Because as sunny and warm as the light is, I’m still living in the desert. These days are hard. So I’ll do what many a girl in my situation does… I’ll allow myself a good hard cry. I’ll allow the cathartic tears to cleanse my heart. Then I’ll get up, put some music on, and throw open the windows! I’ll let the sun melt the cold places of my heart. I’ll allow the light to fill the dark places that are now exposed. And I’ll choose to trust God. Knowing that He will complete the good work that He has started. One day at a time.

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