Progress Report - The First 9 Weeks

I woke up a little over 9 weeks ago and I knew something had to change.

I’d struggled with my weight and emotionally eating issues for far too long and I was tired of it. I had hit rock bottom and was desperate to change my heart, my actions, and my eating.

So for the past 9 weeks I have been working my fitness program of sorts. I’ve been eating healthy. I’ve been exercising 3 – 4 days a week. I’ve been checking in with my accountability partner and community. I’ve refrained from emotional eating. I’ve minimized “treats” and alcohol and “empty calories.” 

In fact, when I started all these changes, my husband told me to take “before” pictures. I balked at the idea. I didn’t like seeing the evidence of my out of control eating in the mirror. The last thing I wanted was formal proof of it. But I did it nonetheless, albeit begrudgingly.

So I took my photos, and I started doing the next right thing for me, day in and day out. In the beginning, pure will and drive were pushing me onward. After 2 weeks that began fizzing out and I added accountability partners into the mix. This necessary element moved me forward on steady ground. I needed to have someone to text and talk me out of making poor decisions. I remember texting my fitness partner, Anais, and telling her that I was going to eat pizza. I reasoned and I justified as I explained why. By the end of the text I saw how I was just wanted to emotionally eat. She gave me good encouragement and didn’t let me off the hook so easily. So we began moving forward with this lifestyle change together.

It wasn’t long before I began to sign up for 5K races (and talk my fitness partners into joining me). I searched out new recipes on Google that looked healthy and appealing. And I worked out. I worked out when it was fun, when it was hard, when I wanted to give up, when I’d rather be sleeping, when I was motivated and when I wasn’t. And I worked out when I was angry and overwhelmed and just needed a place to vent that energy and frustration.

Sometimes I ate too many carbs and gained a pound. Sometimes I didn’t eat enough and adjusted. I began to learn what I liked and what worked for my body. And I learned extra some things along the way.

I learned that saying No to food I would regret eating was easier than saying Yes to the regret I would feel later. But I also learned to forgive myself easily and just keep moving forward when I made choices that weren’t keeping me on track with my goals.

I learned that the comfort I sought from eating was a weak and desperate attempt to run from my feelings of boredom, anxiety, exhaustion, and fear. I learned that facing these feelings, journaling them, sharing them, praying and surrendering them, experiencing them, and leaning into them, made more of impact in what and how I ate than anything else I was doing. I am learning to deal with my emotions instead of quieting them with Cheetos and wine The changes that were beginning to happen to my body became a reflection of what is happening in my heart.

Just recently, in past few days I began experiencing feelings of resistance and boredom with all these changes. Some days it’s not so easy to make the next right choice. Sometimes I want give up and drown my sorrows in brownies and a beer or two. Sometimes I wonder why in the world I stopped eating bread and why I haven’t indulged in sugar filled desserts. I even contemplated calling it a day and giving up. Because – were things really changing? My vision and focus began to narrow to 1 and 2 lbs. a week increments that didn’t seem to be taking me further along quick enough.

Thank goodness for Anais. She challenged me to compare before and after pictures. So I did.

WOW!!!!  I was stunned! What I saw shocked me. I could not believe the changes in the photos occurred in a matter of just 9 weeks. It was enough to give me motivation to move forward and see what will happen in the next 9 weeks. I’ve regained purpose and joy in the journey.

Now I’m hoping that the next 9 weeks becomes 9 months and eventually 9 years.

I am working towards a healthier and happier me. Now I can be the person on the inside and the outside that I want to be. And that feels way better than a brownie any day.

So let the next 9 weeks begin!