The Lid

When I was a child, my siblings, cousins, and I would spend our evening hours in the summer in hot pursuit of lighting bugs. The ideal lighting bug trap was a jar with a lid. When that wasn’t an option, we’d settle for clear plastic cups covered with aluminum foil for a lid.  It was always very important to poke holes in the lid. We did this to keep the bugs alive while in captivity. Then, after we had our fun enjoying their lights, we could uncover them and release them back to nature.

 

Seven weeks ago I gave birth to my own little lighting bug. Alvaro is as cute and precious as they come. And like a lighting bug when I was a child- he already fills my life with awe and wonder. Such is the nature of being able to witness the birth, growth, and development of my children.

We as people come in all shapes and sizes, just like jars do. Some jars are dark, some light, others are tall, some short. You get the picture. Alvaro’s jar is wrapped with an extra chromosome. If his jar had a label- you’d find “Down Syndrome” under one of the Ingredients.

I feel that my job as his mother, is to make sure that Alvaro has all the love, encouragement, commitment and resources to grow into his fullest potential in all his stages of life: from Infant to Manhood.  I plan on being there all along the way being whoever he needs me to be as he faces each phase head on.

 

I was confronted this week, however, with the truth that I have at times already, if only in my mind, placed a lid over my baby boy’s jar. It was for me a saddening realization. I hadn’t realized I did it at all until I was speaking to a friend earlier in the week.

 

 This friend is a mother of 3 children whose youngest is 9 and oldest is serving in the Armed Forces. We were holding the baby, talking about our children, and she commented on things Alvaro would be doing in the future such as running around sooner the his brother, and all sorts of other really good things. And unbidden, out came the lid. My immediate thought was, “oh, she must not have heard yet that he has Down Syndrome.” I was sure she had known until she made her great comments. So I opened my mouth and said very casually, “oh- did you know he was born with DS?”  She smiled and said, “actually I did.” She began to speak of a close family member of hers who has DS. She began to school me not just on the potential, but the positive realities of the life of a man she knows with DS. She shared about what I have come to advocate about, that those who have DS are just like us. They just have an extra chromosome.

 

I returned home pensive and a bit ashamed. I resolved then and there that I was NOT going to be the person who places a lid over Alvaro’s jar. Poking holes in it so he doesn’t suffocate is not the same as providing a lidless environment. I want Alvaro to have the freedom to reach his potential and the goal and dreams he’ll develop. I recognize that my fears and doubts and worries as his mother have the potential of being harmful if I don’t deal with them now. I am aware that the fears, worries, and even doubts are natural. But allowing them to be the precursor or filter to my conversations and thoughts regarding Alvaro’s life and future is like taking a lid and poking holes in it and then squeezing tightly over his jar. I don’t want to do that. I refuse to do that.

 

I am so excited to have the pleasure and honor of watching him light up these new days of his life and on through the years. I pray that God teach me how to put the DS and my fears about possible delays and limitations aside. I pray that God teach me to be the mother Alvaro needs and deserves.  So then when it’s time for him to fly into his own space- he is strong, equipped, and ready.  Without any lids to keep him contained.