Friends

I have a superpower. I can make friends really easily. Not only that, I like making new friends. I really, really, enjoy it. Meeting new people, learning about them, and making new friends is like trying fun new drinks or desserts while I’m on vacation. For me, it’s like having a mini adventure.

When I was 17, there was this guy I attended church with. He and my brother were the same age, and for some reason they rubbed each other the wrong way. There was no real drama behind it. I think their personalities just clashed. He used to sort of ignore me because he didn't get along with my brother. I think he assumed I’d dislike him or something. This gave me a desire to try my own personal social experiment. If I approached him as if there was no issues and I purposefully befriended him, would that win him over? Would being willing to be open and friendly be enough to break down this invisible wall? I wasn't sure – but I wanted to find out. So I did just that. I greeted him every time I saw him, asked him how he was doing, and asked about his interests. I wasn't too much all at once but I just showed that I cared to know. I wanted to be a friend not a foe. The consistency of showing sincere kindness and friendliness was enough to melt his indifference and the wall came down. We weren't close and didn't hang out or anything. But when we’d see each other at church, he’d smile, ask how I was, and we were on friendly terms. And so that birthed my desire to learn to wield and use this superpower for good.

That was 18 years ago. In the span of 18 years I have made countless friends. Many people who I have worked with, attended church with, went to school with, met through other friends, met though family members, met while travelling have become my friends. The best part about my superpower is there is always a friend waiting to be made or a friendship just waiting to blossom and develop.

There is a downside to this superpower however. While I am far from being a super hero, I have learned that those with superpowers usually have some sort of burden that comes with their gift. Their abilities are kept in check by a drawback. And so being able to make friends so easily has its drawbacks. I love to stay in touch with people. I want to know how they are. I want to see how their lives and worlds have evolved.  I love having a front row seat to their story. But life happens and often prevents me from doing many of those things. Career changes has had me bid adieu to many a friend. Travelling as a young adult meant I had to part with many dear friends when I returned home. Returning home, marrying, and having children completely changed the dynamics of how and when I could focus on my friendships; those old and dear and those still waiting to be made.

Being able to make many friends easily, means that I have lived a life saying goodbye to many friends too. It means missing many people. Having made wonderful memories but wishing regularly that I could have a cup of coffee with them again. I have invested and been a part of many stories and been fortunate enough to have so many people invest and be a part of mine.

Sometimes having so many friends means feeling guilty for missing birthdays, weddings, or celebrating the birth of a new baby. It means feeling sad or frustrated for not staying in better touch. It means thinking of someone for a few minutes, reminding myself to send a hello email or text, and then losing track of it when life distracts me with all my own stuff. It means recognizing my limitations, learning to let go of the guilt, and letting my thoughts and prayers for them be enough for now. And that’s hard because I still care. And I want them to know I still care.

Many of you, my readers, have been one of these friends. You are either a friend that I made many years ago or one that I made two weeks ago. And I just want you to know that it’s been such a gift to be able to get to know you. It’s been such a gift to be able to be continue to be friends with you over Facebook and keep tabs on you. It’s been amazing having some sort of way to stay in touch. Even if you don’t see me scrolling through your pictures and failing to post to your page, or send that text or email that I've been meaning to send for the longest time.

I’m grateful I have a superpower. Because of it we became friends. And while I miss seeing you and walking through life with you on a closer context, I’m thankful that we were and are still friends. I just wanted to you to know.