The Only One


Now that I have joined the ranks of smartphone users, my husband asked if I was going to add an Instagram App. I resolutely told him no. He asked if it was because I didn't want to jump on the Instagram bandwagon. Again I said no. I then explained how I've read an occasional article about how Instagram can put a filter on your life- portraying images as perfect. Bad days, with the right Instagram filter, are now recaptured as wonderful memories. Suddenly, life on Facebook as portrayed by Instagram photos, seem like someone else has it all... while you obviously do not. 



 
 
Don't get me wrong. I love the beauty of some of the Instagram photos I have seen. I am also not making any accusations or assumptions about others' use of Instagram. I am merely stating that my life is sometimes messy, my fears are real, and my kids imperfect. My finances are riddles with challenges that seem to stump me time and time again. And my marriage, while its at a very strong and happy state, has gotten there through some very tough patches and heartbreaking trials and tribulations. Neither the Facebook photos I post, nor Instagram ones I see online for that matter, do a good job of showing the mess that is an integral part of my life.

So here I sit, in front of my Blogger screen, wanting in some clumsy way to let those of you in my position know that you are not the only one.

You are not the only one with an imperfect family. I have stories that would prove that mine may indeed win the prize for the Dysfunctional Family of the Year award.  From obvious family drama to deeply hidden family secrets- we have them all. So no, you are not the only one.
 
 


You are not the only one who struggles with trusting God, despite the countless ways you have seen Him move on your behalf. I can quote the story in Bible where Jesus says not to worry about what we will eat and drink because he takes care of countless birds and we are of more value to him than they. Yet my heart still seizes with feelings of anxiety, fearing that all will not work out as I need them to. So no, you are not the only one.


I have been a practicing Christian most of my life. I have spent years communicating in daily prayer with God. I have felt on many occasions that God has whispered things in my heart. Yet I wonder if I am doing enough to be a "Good Christian".  I look at the long list of things I "ought to do" and what I am actually NOT doing and feel like my faith and devotion pales in comparison to so many others. So no, you are not the only one who struggles to know if you are sincerely pleasing God in your faith.
 
I talk too much. I can come off as a know it all. I am quick with responses and talk out of turn. I make jokes that go down like a lead balloon. I can be passive aggressive instead of honest with about my hurt feelings. I think I can run, fix, and control someone else's life and problems better than I can my own, (at least in my own mind). So no, you are not the only one with shortcomings, hang ups, and vices.  


I cuss under my breath when I stub my toe and hope to heaven my 2 year didn't overhear it. I sometimes take a guilty pleasure in a song that is inappropriate. And I try to avoid political discussions and heated confrontations whenever possible.


My continuing list of self deprecating characteristics is long. Some of which I am still working to change. Some of which I have given up trying.


A statement that I reminded of many times when I am feeling discouraged was made by Steven Furtick. He says, "Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reels."    


                                       

I find myself doing that all the time. The more I do it, the more discouraged I get. Sometimes I feel like I have it all. A great family, a great marriage, awesome kids, a nice house, central Air Conditioning, a pantry with food. Too many other times I look at how difficult it is to maintain all these wonderful things, fear that I can't keep it all together, and get discouraged at the long road ahead.


I know I am not the only one who does this. So I am choosing to be transparent and not pretend otherwise. I am choosing to "put it out there." I am choosing to give you a glimpse of my behind the scenes. 



 Most of us are aware that nobody is perfect. I just wanted to let you know, you're not the only one.

 

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