Swinging

So I'm a bit of a scardy cat. 

I'm afraid of heights, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of palmetto bugs (aka HUGE ROACHES), afraid of failing, afraid of hurting or disappointing others.... you get the picture.

Bungee jumping, skydiving, skiing- you will not find those on my Bucket list- no sir-ee.

Needless to say, I've never swung from a rope and jumped into a lake. We'll put aside that I've never had the opportunity to do so. If I had, I would've turn it down.

A couple of weekends ago, I was on a retreat. We were on a boat ride from the Amelia Island harbor headed toward Cumberland Island. 

We passed some people goofing around on a boat. One guy was swinging around on a rope, looking as if he was going to dive off into the water. But he didn't. He was just goofing around. 

Back and forth he swung, holding on tightly. He hovered over the water without a boat beneath him. He then swung to the other side hovering over his friend as sat and watched him and even gave him playful pushes. 

And while I have never swung from the rope like that, I feel I some ways I have taken the same scary adventure now.

I've left the workforce to focus on staying home with my kids. I used to fear doing so, because it just looked like so much work! For years, I'd much rather accomplish meeting and succeeding the expectations of a boss with a computer and a telephone. I usually knew when, where, why, and how my deadlines were given. 

Now my bosses come in different forms. My 2 year old wakes at 7 am, standing at my bedside asking for "nilch."  My 8 month old follows shortly after with an adorable grin, hand in mouth, signaling he is ready for his bottle. And off I go, jumping on the rope swinging to and fro.
 
As I swing, metaphorically speaking, I'm holding on tightly. My demands range from feeding, changing, and entertaining my children, to washing dishes, doing laundry, buying groceries, keeping the house clean. And you know what? It's a tall order.

Days fly by with busyness. Like the young man who hovered between open waters and friends on deck, I hover between trying not to ignore my kids for the sake of clean floors and trying to manage walks outside, nap time wars, and tantrums.

Back and forth I go, wondering when and how I'll get used to the rhythm of this new venture. Also afraid that I won't find a good rhythm and fall off the rope with burnt hands a thud.

In the meantime,  I am trying to learn to enjoy the ride. Maybe I won't enjoy all the poopy diapers and the time-outs that are necessary. But I don't want to lose out on the hugs, kisses, snuggles, and laughs met along the way.

So if you see me swinging by:  tired, frustrated, scared, happy, excited, sad, and crazy.... just be patient with me. I'm trying to overcome my fear of heights!



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