Crying in the Closet

The more I swap stories with other Moms, the more I hear about the fateful day, when they ended up hiding out in the closet in tears. This story echoes from the lips of many Moms who have been in my shoes, at home all day with little ones. At one point or the other, these  Mommas are inundated to the point of desperation. Overwhelmed, they crawl into the closet, shutting out the kids, the world, and the difficulties of life, and relieve their stresses with a good ole fashion cry.

I have yet to go into my closet for this fateful cry. I have been close many many times, mind you. Usually, I end up picking up the phone and asking for help in the middle of tears. Or I may shut down entirely, experiencing a temporary moment of despair or the like. The constant noise of Mickey Mouse Roadhouse, cars crashing into walls, whining and crying, and the cranky napless children that perpetuate these noises often leave me feeling exhausted beyond belief.

The most incredulous part is that I am not the only one who feels like way. Millions of mothers have paved the way, having experienced and survived these days of homemaking and childcare. They survived and now look back with fondness, often missing the time they spent at home with their children.

I wished that could think on these women and be inspired and encouraged to move forward knowing that "this too shall pass." Unfortunately, instead I am confronted with false stories in my head. Stories of a phantom failure. Stories of comparison that tell me I don't have what it takes. Stories that whisper I am somehow failing my children because I complain more than I laugh and mumble more than I celebrate.

But I know these stories of failure are NOT true. One of our pastors at church, Lance Sellon, recently stated on his Facebook page that "A messy home is a trophy."  His musings were a great reminder that all too soon, this time with my children will pass. My children will not be remembering and wondering why I didn't keep the floors clean or why I only served PB&J for dinner at times. What they will remember, is how much fun they had and whether Mommy laughed or yelled when spending time with them.


So I am working on letting go of these false stories and damaging comparisons.

Luckily, I can sense a paradigm shift has indeed begun. I emailed/ texted a friend who has teens recently. As I was bemoaning my circumstances and complaining once again about my perceived failures, my friend Heather replied, " I suspect you have an ideal you are striving to live up to. I challenge you to really seek what kind of mother God wants you to be."  She was totally right. Something seemed to click. I realized I was striving for some expectations that were likely unrealistic.

 I began to relax. Instead of thinking about EVERYTHING I wanted done, I only focused on ONE or TWO things. Monday- I focused on laundry. If nothing else "got done" but my kids had a good day and my laundry was done, then that day was a success, not a fail.  That new attitude really has given me more peace than distress over the past 10 days or so. It's been amazing.

Despite this growing shift, some days still feel so long and the children are still noisy.  But, I am smiling more than I am crying. I am more at peace and joyful than stressed and overwhelmed. That alone has me feeling like a more confident mother. Or at least as less-afraid-of-failing mother.