Grown Up

"Are you a college student?" she asked with a smile. I smiled back and nodded my reply: no. "Are you a grown up? Like us? Is this your job?"

Highly amused I replied yes. To set all doubts to rest I added, "I'm 34 and have 2 kids." 

She was surprised. I don't know if it was the baseball cap and ponytail or my retainers the belied my age. In all cases I was highly flattered and totally amused.

It wasn't that she thought I looked younger that amused me. It was her choice of words. "Are you a grown up?"

It just tickled me. I felt like I was a kid being asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. As if somehow I was Jenna Rink, the 13 year old girl in the movie 13 Going on 30, under disguise as a grown woman. 

 What does it mean anyway to be grown up? Some would argue its a state of mind and attitude. Others would prefer to point to the list of responsibilities, bills, and burdens that come with the title.

 For me, being grown up, is about being sure of who I am. I did not enjoy my teenage years. I was awkward and unsure of myself. I was neither the pretty girl, nor the funny girl, nor the popular girl. I am not even sure most people in my High School reunion would even know who I was. 

 All I know was that I was lost and lonely deep inside. I had friends. I had faith in God. But I didn't have faith in myself. I didn't have the confidence that experience and life has taught me now.

 There are perks to being a grown up. I get to enjoy my wonderful kids. I get to be blessing to younger people who are still trying to work out who they are. I get to champion causes that are close to my heart because they relate to the experience of my own brokenness. 

 There are joys and pains on this journey we call life. Some seasons of being a grown up are filled with awe, wonder, excitement. Others are filled with pain, sorrow, and suffering. Yet one does not cancel out the other.

 Although my response to the woman that day indicating my age and the fact that I was raising children was what I used as my "proof of ID" into adulthood. But neither of those make me grown up. I have met people who have children and are older than me in age, and their ability to make a positive and helpful impact on those around them are nonexistent

 I became a grown up when I began taking responsibility for my actions, my emotions, and my choices. I became a grown up when I stopped apologizing for who I was or what my decisions were, regardless of the opinions of others. I became a grown up when I stopped believing I was a victim of circumstance and recognized that my reactions to circumstances are as impacting as the circumstances themselves. I became a grown up when I was able to face hardship and when I thought the weight of it would crush me, I turned to others and asked for help. I became a grown up when I realized that to give and believe in others, I must first give to and believe in myself.

 So am I a grown up?  Why, yes, I believe I am.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 19, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    I want to be like you if I ever grow up. ;) -gabi

    ReplyDelete

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