The End of the Beginning

Two weeks ago, as I was thinking of my upcoming school days and the end result of a potential career as an Interpreter, I had a deep sense that I had a different road ahead of me. It’s difficult to explain. One could say it was discernment or a preminition. In all cases, I had a deep sense that I had a different course ahead of me. I shared my feelings with my husband and shrugged it off. I considered it may perhaps be all the road blocks I had to overcome to get registered for my class. I wasn’t sure. But I didn’t know if this was a stirring to march forward and break barriers, or a gentle preparation from God that he has plans for me yet. And that his plans and my plans may not be the same.

The feeling ebbed away for a few days. And then unbidden, three days before my first class, I got the same feeling. It was even stronger than before. I told my husband, “I have this feeling that things are going to turn out differently than I planned. I am still pursuing school, I am still moving forward. And if God wants to redirect things he can. But I have this feeling, this sense that I just can’t shake.”

My big day arrived and I attended my first day of class. I was excited. I met my new classmates and my very nice instructor. With Fundamentals of Public Speaking as the subject, I couldn’t wait to hone my speaking skills. At the end of class, my instructor asked to see me. She noticed a problem with my name on the roster and suggested I call the school the next day and find out what happened.

The next morning, I logged onto the school portal to see if it the problem was cleared. I found my

class had been dropped, my financial aid rescinded, and I had no idea what went wrong. I made a phone call to the school, inquiring to see if a computer glitch had happened. Not getting a satisfactory or clear answer, I went the to the school in person. I spoke with the financial aid folks, and got to the root of the problem. And just like that, 36 hours after the start of my return to school, the door was firmly shut on that opportunity.

I won’t go into all the details now or this bog will run on way too long. But suffice it to say, my school days are no longer happening. I have no clue if it’s a temporary hold or a long-term situation. But in all cases, this current semester is at a dead end. I feel disappointed, sad, and discouraged. I feel to be quite honest a sense of loss. But all the while, I reflect on this feeling I had for 2 weeks prior, preparing me for the reality of my current situation.

Perhaps if I had not experienced that feeling … I would have been angry. Maybe I would have continued to pound heavily on a closed door demanding to be let in. But I don’t feel that way. Proverbs 16: 9 says, “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”  I am choosing to trust that God is directing my steps. I may not understand where He is leading or what plans and purposes He has for me. But I do trust that He is leading this process. I have done my part. He has done His.

So now, I wait. I continue to do the things He has already entrusted of me and try to do those well with the best of my ability. My heart is full of questions and my eyes may shed a tear or two. But I do trust that He has better things for me yet. I hope so anyway.

So that’s end of this chapter and now a new one begins.