The Very Good Year

It’s 1:20 am on December 31, 2015. In a little less than 22 hours I’ll be welcoming in 2016 with the rest of the Eastern Time Zone.

I actually haven’t written a blog in weeks and I felt like doing so on this last day of the year would be fitting.

Although the last day of a year often comes with reflection and renewed goals, I find that I have been reflecting on many things lately. I’ve been thinking about where my life has been and where it is headed. I’ve been thinking about the hardships and heartbreaks as 2015 was starting and how far things have come and changed.

Most of my reflections though have really come onto the scene with what feels like an overnight change in my life. It seems like just a few days ago, I felt like I was drowning. I quit working outside my house and started staying home to care for my kids. And it was hard. Really hard. I wasn’t really sure that first year that I was going to make it. But I did. And interestingly enough, although it took about a year to find my footing as a Stay At Home Mom, I found myself grateful for the opportunity and ability to be home with my kids. (Even though I complained too much all along the way).

Now things are so different. My 4-1/2 year old is in preschool half a day, 5 days a week. And my little tiny baby is now nearly 3. He will also start school in just a couple of months.

We wake in the morning and I give them milk. If it’s a weekend, they flip on the TV and my preschooler works his way around the remote like a pro. They sit and quietly watch TV. I have time for breakfast. I have time for a quick shower. I have time to check my emails.

We have play dates and park dates. They give me their lunch choices and feed themselves. They even on occasion take the initiative to clean up after themselves. The nap time and online game time provides me an opportunity to get dinner started without interruption. They even play cars together and hang out. Of course within fifteen minutes they are fighting and yelling or crying or the usual sibling rivalry nonsense. But – those days I thought would never arrive are here. They’ve been here for weeks now.

And my kids are fun. They’re smart and funny. The terrible twos were indeed terrible for my oldest, and his threenage year was worse. But four is nice. I like four. He’s such a fun four. My son is full of wonder and stories and imaginations. He’s equally full of cuddles, and hugs, and tickle games. He climbs, and romps, and yells, and exerts his independence all the time. And I love it. I love him. I like him. I’m enjoying him more than I thought I would when I was knee deep in tantrums and soiled diapers.

My youngest is growing faster than the first one did. He’s almost 3! He looks so big. He wears his big boy clothes and climbs and romps right behind his brother. He refuses to be babied and demands to be independent. I can’t believe I was so scared of this when the words Down syndrome were spoken the day of his birth. This is brilliant. This is everything I feared might not be. But it is. And he’s such a fun and kind little man. Even though his tantrums and attitude are definitely on the fore, I’m very proud of his feisty independence (I just can’t let him know that …. not yet anyway.)

When I think of 2015, I’ll think of it as the year when things began to settle. When life stopped feeling so overwhelming and crazy. I’ll think of it as the year when I sat down and looked around and said, "This isn’t so bad. In fact it’s pretty fantastic." I hadn’t been able to say that and mean it for a very very long time.

Thank you 2015 for showing me that it’s not about what I have and don’t have that brings me joy. Thank you for showing me that leaning into my life, just as it is, embracing the good and the bad, and engaging with it would bring me the peace and joy I craved and desired

Yes, this has been a very good year indeed.

Happy New Year Friends!

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