Britney Spears Moment


“Can you come over and fix it? I think I messed it up,” I said just as I hung up the phone with my Mother. “I’ll be right over,” she said. 

I’m not quite sure what got into me. It could have been the back to back latté’s I had that morning. Apparently having the equivalent of 2 espressos in a row gives me a lot of energy. Perhaps instead it was that feeling that I had grown sick of it and could not stand it any longer. 

Whatever the reason, there I stood in front of the mirror on Sunday early afternoon.  I had my husband’s beard trimming scissors in my hand and a sink full of hair in front of me. I call it my “Britney Spears Moment." 

Do you remember that? When Britney Spears just sort of lost it, grabbed an electric razor, and shaved off her hair?

Well, my cut wasn’t nearly as dramatic as that. But I did chop off my own hair nonetheless. I knew that I could have ruined it. I knew that I could end up with uneven ends and lopsided bangs. And you know what? I totally didn’t care. In fact I relished in the freedom that I felt because I didn’t care. I thought to myself, “what have I got to lose? It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.” 

So I started with the back and began to cut. Then I attempted to give myself layers. Sometimes I cut haphazardly. Other times I trimmed with care and precision.  

You know what?  It’s not bad at all. My mom only had to fix one section I messed up at the end.  

When I use a curling iron, any uneven parts are not evident. 

There are by the way some uneven bits. Not any bits that are terrible looking or very noticeable. I can see them though. I can feel them. And I do not want to fix them.  To me they are a symbol. They symbolize that I don’t care what other people think, I am happy with the changes. They symbolize that I felt freedom to make a change within the realm of my control as opposed to being the recipient of countless changes outside of my control. They symbolize that I did something spontaneous which is indeed a rarity for me. They symbolize that no matter how I feel about a situation I always have the choice to make some sort of change, even if the choice is conformity.  

I think somehow in the smallest measure I understand why Britney had the nerve to go all out and just chop off all her hair. I get it. 

Perhaps I am reading too much into my haphazard haircut. Maybe I’m making too much of what was in then end an espresso buzz and a small pair of scissors in my hands. But I don’t care. I did it. I’m happy about it. Best of all, I’m past living in that perpetual pony tail I was coming to despise.


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